I purchased my wife a Garmin watch that had GPS and heart rate monitor etc. Most importantly for her it shows how many calories she's burned. So one week after doing a lot of running and biking she starts talking about how many more calories she burned when she does exercises that keep her heart rate up above 80% her max. To which I leaned in and whispered in her ear that maybe... Read More »
After trying to wake my boyfriend one morning by stroking his chest and his hair for about 15 minutes, he begins to wake up. Wanna know the first thing he does? Hugs me, starts humping my leg while singing 'Hump, Hump, Severus Hump, DumbleHump' I think he has a few problems.
My wife (girlfriend at the time) and I were at my company Christmas party. They were having some gift exchange game. She ended up with a pack of KY massage oil and lube. We were pretty excited to get home and try them out. When we did, it turns out that not all of them were massage oil and lube, some were just one or the other. Well I grabbed one that was apparently only... Read More »
My high school girlfriend and I were getting it on in my room one day we though we were alone in my house. We tend to be pretty loud when we're together, and not knowing that anyone else was home, we kinda went "all out", so to speak. Some time later I step out of my room and hear some noises from my older sister's room, which is located directly across from my room. I slowly... Read More »
I was in reverse cowgirl when I leaned back so he could get a better angle. Now, I should note that I had a pretty bad cough at the time. Next thing I know I cough violently, and I feel him shoot out of me and hear his dick smack into his balls. We both started laughing and couldn't even keep going. Just hearing it SHLURP out of me was hilarious.
Okay, so my girlfriend's sneezes are pretty powerful, and she's pretty petite so it shakes up her whole body. So a couple of weeks ago, she turns on the shower and undresses, and has to take a pee so she starts to walk over to the toilet....in mid-walk she sneezes, and pees a little on the floor.....and starts her period. Needless to say, she was embarrassed.
Me and my boyfriend were hanging out at my house one day and I was lying with my head in his lap while he watched the game on tv. He started to peel a banana and I stopped him and said, "no, let me pull the end off" because all of my life, I've always been told that the pointy end of a banana is the part you don't eat. So I reached for it, and when I attempted to break it off,... Read More »
my parents have been married almost 22 years and if my mom is in the bathroom while my dad is setting his toothbrush he has to pretend hes pooping. like the toothpaste is his poop, he thinks its the funniest thing in the world. 22 years and he thinks its as funny as the day he thought of it.
There was this running joke with my friends back in high school that my first girlfriend was lesbian. She had short hair, played golf, and wasn't a girly girl. We didn't date long. She dumped me after a month. Fast forward to the present. We're both 25 now and I find out she's engaged to a girl. Yeah, guess I was the only one then who didn't figure it out.
My girlfriend and I were at the drive in, in the back seat of my car getting into it during the previews. Suddenly she stops, pushes me away and says "I'm sorry, but the Dark Knight Rises trailer is on!". I totally understood, and I would have been more upset if she didn't stop.
After reading an article about waking your boyfriend up with a BJ, my girlfriend decided that she wanted to try that herself. The only problem was she had this wild fear that i would somehow kick her in the face when she started. Eventually she got up there nerve to try...turns out she was wrong... it was my hand she needed to look out for...
I was at a frat party on the first Saturday night back at school, and this hot girl and I start talking. i dance with her, and I find out that she's only one year ahead of me, and we're in the same major. I tell her that I'm already taken, but she she gives me her number and tells me to call her sometime anyway. In class on Monday, I discover that she's the TA in my statics... Read More »