I'm stuck with these three girls are nicknamed the "herpes whores" in a suite style dorm. They are trashy, nasty girls with respect for other people's stuff. I begun to lose my sanity when they were using a shit ton of my expensive salon brand conditioner. The stuff doesn't won't even work on their fake, bone dried hair because it's for non damaged, natural hair ONLY, yet they... Read More »
My friend and I always like to mess with each other. One day I had met this girl and things were going pretty well, but because I knew he used to be into her, I asked to see if it was ok. He promptly gave me the thumbs up, but, as part of our ongoing prank war, texted her asking her out for me, when we barely knew eachother. It quickly weirded her out and ruined my chances, but... Read More »
Well, I know now that you talk MAJOR shit about me with literally everyone I know... You know I have to say I'm not that surprised because it seems to be all that you do, but I thought we were close friends. I mean, I was the one to help you when you were embarrassingly throwing up all over yourself and others at a party while your longterm "marriage potential" boyfriend didn't... Read More »
- Hey, Hoe. Remember how you dumped me, saying how I treated you wrong, despite doing whatever I humanly could to help you out? Well, I found out your dirty, little secrets. How you cheated on me multiple times and even said the reason we're dating is so when I graduate, I'll be making money. Well, while going through your room, grabbing whatever that's mine, I found your weed... Read More »
So, you know how I work really hard and have to go in early every day? And you know how you stay up late every night, smoking weed in the living room (right outside my bedroom door) with all the windows shut, have loud sex with your stoner girlfriend in the shower (also right next to my bedroom) and do absolutely no work and never attend class? And how you rip on me constantly... Read More »
Remember when I had a huge crush on that hooter girl that I worked with? Then I brought her over to the house to watch a movie and smoke a blunt and you ended up getting her drunk and porkin her? You apologized and everything was cool. Then a few weeks later I brought my friend from Ohio over and once again you got her drunk so you could plow her. Well I forgot to mention... Read More »
GRRRRRRRrrrrrrr. That was the sound of your blender every morning at 5am...on Sundays even. You really liked to drink your fucking energy drinks to watch pre-pre-game bullshit for every season of every sport college and pro. Remember when you told me I couldn't watch my TV when baseball playoffs were on because I've "had my time on the TV already"?!?!?! You FUCK! I cut your... Read More »
Hey asshole, remember me, the quiet guy that would always put up with your shit because I knew it was better then being in a constant war always calling you out on your retarded opinions. I kept to myself, I only had my girlfriend over a couple of times because I didn't want her to have to deal with you. We would instead go to her place, no big deal of course, but when i returned... Read More »
Matt - I was okay with you claiming the bedroom in our one bedroom apartment. But over the course of the first month we lived together you left every pair of your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor when you went to shower, leaving a nice pile that took up 1/3 of our bathroom. You clogged the toilet, I shit you not, 16 times. Yes, I counted. Around 1 or 2 in the morning every... Read More »
Remember when we first started our semester together all cheerful and happy to be together? We laughed about being from the east coast, boys, and seemed to be on cue on everything? It was so nice when you started dating that dbag and you became a raging bitch. You stole my clothes, my money, and my makeup. in fact, by "sharing" mascara, you gave me a fucking sty. the whole time,... Read More »
Hey Girls! Remember how the two of you constantly tell me to break up with my boyfriend, because he lives "too far away", even though you know he's in Afghanistan? And how you take 3 hours in the bathroom each morning, then yell at me for making us late to school? And do you remember how you call me stupid, even though you have GPAs of 2.0 OR LOWER, and the only shows you could... Read More »
My roommate is so disgusting. He chews and spits into bottles that don't have a cap so they frequently spill on our carpet. He also has this good for nothing Australian Sheppard who pees and shits all over our carpet with no repercussions. The dog always seems to shit within a step of my door and late night urinating leds to me stepping in his dog's shit. So, to counteract... Read More »
I was never actually your roommate. Your neighbor, who you met on the first day and told that you didn't get assigned a roommate, happened to be a friend of mine, and we thought it would be funny if we could convince you that I was your actual roommate. So I showed up a week into the semester and you let me in. Then a month later when I never showed up again, you thought that... Read More »
I always replaced your Bacardi with Fleischmann's. I would've stopped doing it after the first few times but you always stated how your "Bacardi" tastes so much better than my "Fleischmann's". Also you smelled bad and woke me up every morning by slamming our door shut as you left for class, so I think I deserved the better booze.
Remember the time you and your buddies drank the last 6 beers I had in the fridge and when I ask for some money to go buy more you refused? Do you also remember a week later when you were walking to the bar with your friends and three guys jumped you and only took your money? STOP DRINKING MY BEER!!
My one roommate from a couple years ago was known for having sex in the dorm room with thin walls. When he realized he started to have a reputation from that, one time he decided to blare porn and leave the room while I sat outside the dorm room in the hallway on the floor eating popcorn. He comes back about 10 minutes later to a small group of people congregating around the door... Read More »
Remember when you used my face towel from MY bathroom as a jizz towel? Remember when you and all your friends got such a good laugh when you told me? I used your little sister's high school face as a jizz towel last Friday. Your friend's sister is hot too; I'll call her sometime.
I was at the bar the other night, and I didn't have a chance to use the bathroom before I left (getting one more drink order in before last call was more pressing). I tried to hold it for as long as I could, and I even made it all the way to our bathroom, but before I could get my pants unzipped and off I ended up peeing all over myself and the floor. I totally wiped it up and... Read More »