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KC Green /  Gunshow

Here's the REAL problem with "problems" - you're supposed to actually DO THINGS in order to solve them? As someone terrified of confrontation, action, and really doing anything at all, that's not my preferred strategy. See, I prefer to just let things linger and ignore them long enough until they just magically go away entirely. Here are some examples to help you understand my unique and fullproof strategy:



1. That weird skin thing on your leg

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Kinda a rash or something, but you feel like you've had stuff like this before and it's gone away so you don't really wanna cause a big fuss or anything. As long as you wear long pants all summer long until it's gone, shouldn't be too big of an issue.



2. That toothache

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Ugh, you hate getting cavities filled. You'll just assume that toothache is something else and just always chew with the other side of your mouth (at least until you start getting a weird toothache on that side and then pivot to only eating applesauce and other stuff you don't have to chew)



3. That 4th email from a colleague marked "URGENT"

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Well you didn't respond to the first three, so if you respond to the 4th one it's gonna be obvious that you were just ignoring them. Better wait til they come by your desk and then you'll say all of those emails probably went into your spam folder.



4. That text from that person you hooked up with and then later you were like "oh wait that person sucks" and oh god they sent 10 texts already shit

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Oh man you don't even wanna look at your phone right now. They'll get the message as long as you just never respond to them and make a concerted effort to never be in areas they might be in because you might bump into them.



5. That "Unknown" number that keeps calling you like two times a week but has never left a voicemail

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Probably just a robo call thing. Although even robots have phone numbers, right??? Is this like that "a man has no name" thing in Game of Thrones or something?? Well, even a robot-assassin will give up at some point and stop calling me. I hope.



6. That grinding noise your fridge keeps making

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It keeps your popsicles mostly cold, so probably best to not poke the bear here. You even kinda like your popsicles a little mushy and melty. It's fine, this is all fine.



7. That weird smell your oven makes if you leave it on for more than 20 minutes

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Just gotta be sure to only cook things that take less than 20 minutes to cook (including pre-heat time). So...still-slightly-frozen Pizza Rolls for me, I guess.



8. Your elbow kinda hurts sometimes after you banged it three weeks ago? Ahh it's probably nothin'

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Worst case scenario, it's some kinda hairline fracture or something. And that stuff usually heals itself, probably. I mean, cavemen probably broke bones all the time and they somehow got 'em fixed.



9. Occasionally just start crying at work or in the car or in bed or walking and can't stop for like 10 minutes

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Crying is a healthy emotional release. Therefore crying all the time and with zero control over it means you're the MOST healthy.



10. Pretty sure that's rat poop over there

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....OR it could be a chocolate sprinkle from a cupcake. Well, several chocolate sprinkles from a cupcake. Little bit of hair too.



....yeah definitely a cupcake situation.



...that's probably a cupcake making all of those scratching noises in the wall.




....




...I should probably just move apartments.