If you buy anything after clicking these links, CollegeHumor will receive a commission and that'll help us keep making the comics and videos you love so dearly.


A Fruit Basket

undefined

Mother's day is a day to tell the woman who raised you appreciate everything she's done for you. One way to do this is by splurging on a nice gift basket full of all her favorite fruits. Not only are they delicious but they also double as a lovely decoration.  A nice one can be a little expensive, but she's worth it. Afterall, she did let you drink out her boobs when you were a baby.

Buy it here


Flowers

undefined

If fruit isn't her thing, why not go traditional and get her a nice bouquet of flowers. There's a reason they're a staple. Flowers are nice, and don't you think your mom deserve something nice? To reiterate, she let you drink out of her boobs. She created milk with her own body and then used it to sustain her. YOU LITERALLY DRAINED THE LIFE FORCE FROM HER BODY AND SHE LET YOU DO IT SO YOU CAN LIVE. LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND!

Buy it here!


Fancy Cookware

undefined

You know it hurts your nipples right? There's a good chance that breastfeeding you left your mom's nipples cracked and bleeding. Do you have any idea what that's like?  Imagine what it feels like to wake up in the middle of the night, after only sleeping an hour in the past three days, in order to drag yourself over to some crying baby in order to let it LITERALLY DRAIN YOU OF SUSTENANCE. Now imagine if after that, instead of going back to bed, you instead had to deal with the blood that was gushing out of the fissures on your chest. THIS IS THE HELL YOU PUT YOUR MOTHER THROUGH. The least you could do is get her some nice cook wear.

Buy it here!


An Alexa

undefined

Breastfeeding doesn't feel like enough of a sacrifice for you? What about the sacrifice she made giving birth to you. I know you know giving birth hurts, but I doubt you've ever taken a moment to actually let it sink in how much it hurt her. UNLESS YOU ALSO BECOME A MOTHER YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THAT PAIN.  She did it to bring a child into this world, and now that child has grown up into an adult that DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THEIR OWN MOTHER WELL ENOUGH TO BUY HER A GIFT WITHOUT CONSULTING AN ONLINE LIST FIRST.

Buy it here!

Editorial credit: seewhatmitchsee / Shutterstock.com

A Meal Delivery Service

undefined

Do you know what vaginal tearing is? Well, go ahead look it up. What's that? You're not brave enough to deal with it? WELL YOUR MOM WAS BECAUSE IT FUCKING HAPPENED TO HER! SHE TORE HERSELF FOR YOU! TORE HERSELF IN THE WORST PLACE IMAGINABLE! SHE PROBABLY PEES DIFFERENT NOW JUST SO YOU COULD LIVE AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO PUT THOUGHT INTO HER GIFT UNTIL, WHAT? TWO DAYS BEFOREHAND?

Buy it here!


A Card

undefined

I know you're probably not going to listen to any of this advice like the miserable sack of fucks  that you are, but can you at least do the bare minimum for the woman who went through HELL for you? At the very least,  get her a nice card thanking her for everything she has given up for you and done for you instead of sending her a fucking text like you were planning on doing, you ungrateful piece of shit.

 

Buy it here!