New year, new you! It's 2018 - a new year full of endless possibilities and potential! Of course, it'll probably go like every previous year has gone - you start off excited, slowly get worn down, and end the year at a similar status quo to where you began, but who knows! Maybe this year will be different! But in case it isn't, at least you started it off by reading some funny tweets.
1. Cats are nature's greatest mystery.
1. how did he do this-- Elin (@elinmeat) December 21, 2017
2. why did he do this pic.twitter.com/iNIzvtezkc
2. Wow, the advertising for Infinity War has taken a weird turn.
Spidey sense tingling! pic.twitter.com/crK7R1WtKj-- Evan Narcisse (@EvNarc) December 29, 2017
3. I identify as "Bing-fluid."
i'm fucking crying, look at this guy from my best friends tinder pic.twitter.com/ElnKkHNPMb-- chelsey (@chelseymayr) December 30, 2017
4. Oh, right. The essay. The essay for film class, the essay chosen especially to pass film class, film class's essay. That essay?
My professor handed back our 3 page film essays to my surprise I got a C after class I asked her why "you were supposed to write it about the movie The Emperor of Time.. you wrote it on The Emperor's new Groove but it was kinda good so I didn't fail you" so thats how im doing-- Adam Cook (@adam_cook2014) December 12, 2017
5. The Moon gets to do all of the fun stuff.
[assigning roles]-- decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) December 25, 2017
god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth
sun: sounds good
god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves
moon: hell yes
6. Please leave that extremely accurate portrait of 2007-era Jonah Hill alone.
Today my five year-old laughed at this painting in the middle of a museum for like six minutes pic.twitter.com/AHlNJiZU5R-- Adam Rex (@MrAdamRex) January 1, 2018
7. Still, replacing "Wine Moms" with "Hash Moms" is gonna be pretty rad.
Can't wait till weed is legal and Soccer Moms ruin it with pillows that say things like "it's pot o' clock" and "don't talk to me until I've had my lound."-- Nicole Russell 🍾💫 (@nicolerussell91) January 1, 2018
8. TheDailyBugle.com has made a few changes.
DAMMIT PARKER I NEED VERTICAL VIDEOS OF SPIDER-MAN! AND THE VIDEOS NEED TO BE SUBTITLED SO YOU CAN WATCH THEM ON MUTE! YOU EXPECT THE BUGLE TO SELL ADS IN FRONT OF *PICTURES* OF SPIDER-MAN?? GET OUT OF MY COWORKING SPACE-- Vasco da Gamer (@alexqarbuckle) December 7, 2017
9. This is why we need a "pat on the back" reaction for Facebook.
When your friend makes a sad post and you don't know what to say, so you just 'like' it instead pic.twitter.com/B83jZUmIcG-- Nati Casanova, dolphin unicorn. (@TheZombiUnicorn) December 19, 2017
10. DAMMIT, DONALD, I SAID GO MAKE MAC 'N CHEESE.
When your Sims are waiting for instructions pic.twitter.com/IqkGODapdL-- Dean Tāne (@Maccadaynu) January 1, 2018
11. The best review of Jurassic Park ever.
once we went to the dentist w my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST-- everybody loves kitty ray mond (@kittaveli) December 24, 2017
12. The apocalypse is gonna be very cute, at least.
And lo, I saw a rider on a pale horse, and the rider was death. pic.twitter.com/Qj4yQ4OsAc-- ß۞ɢʜᴏsᴛ〰〰ʀıᴅᴇʀ (@Sainsburyfree) December 25, 2017
13. Future serial killer, exhibit A.
LET CHAOS REIGN pic.twitter.com/ydIG7ygzjK-- HAPPIE JENNUARY 😽💋 (@Jenn_Yourface) December 31, 2017