1. "DWYCK" by Gang Starr (MC Guru)

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Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is

I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis

Gang Starr is one of the most influential voices in hip hop history, and this song as a whole is amazing - which makes this infamous, bizarre, LFO-esque lyric all the more baffling. "Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is" alone would be enough to get this added to the list, but then using that to rhyme with a line about the number of props and stunts had by Bruce Willis is even more confusing. Is Bruce Willis known for having a lot of props? Does he do that many of his own stunts? It's not like he's Jackie Chan or anything.



2. "Ass Like That" by Eminem

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For I am Triumph the Puppet Dog, I am a mere puppet

I can get away anything I say and you will love it!

While Eminem has a lot of bad lyrics - both in terms of really regrettable, abusive ones and genuinely misguided ones (thinking namely of his assertion in 50 Cent's 'Patiently Waiting' that the 9/11 terrorists were aiming for Shady Records), but there's no more embarrassing set of lyrics than 'Ass Like That', Eminem's faux-feud diss track aimed at Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. It's hard to really gauge what's more embarrassing and lame - the idea of a sincere feud with a puppet, or the idea of a MADE-UP feud with a puppet as a joke.

But the most offensive thing is that he calls Triumph the "Puppet Dog," instead of "Insult Comic Dog." C'mon, dude.



3. "Good Girls Gone Bad" by Drake

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Do it girl, I'll be your King, be a Queen Latifah

I love ya ass like Milhouse love Lisa

I love ya ass like the ninja turtles love pizza

Ironically enough, you something I want a piece of

Drake has a reputation as being a pop culture-savvy, more-sensitive-than-usual artist - and as a result, has a ton of incredibly embarrassing lyrics ("I can make your pussy whistle like the Andy Griffith theme song" would be included in this list if it wasn't so genuinely hilarious). But the above lyrics from Good Girls Gone Bad takes the cake - as each line is uniquely bad:

Do it girl, I'll be your King, be a Queen Latifah

It's been an open secret for ages that Queen Latifah would have no use for a King.

I love ya ass like Milhouse love Lisa

This is not a positive.

I love ya ass like the ninja turtles love pizza

The ninja turtles were not sexually attracted to pizza. Also you're a grown adult, Drake, not a seven year old on the playground.

Ironically enough, you something I want a piece of

Rhyming "pizza" with "piece of" is just bad and lazy. I would have expected more of Jimmy from DeGrassi.



4. Kanye West in "Gettin' It In" by Jadakiss

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Don't try to treat me like I ain't famous

My apologies, are you into astrology

Cause I'm, I'm tryin to make it to Uranus

Kanye West - for all of his outsized personality and aggressive bravado - might really be the best modern artist in music. Each album is something new and exciting, each song is something personal and interesting - and all of his lyrics are memorable for some reason or another. Sometimes they're overly silly, sometimes they veer into tryhard territory - but every once in a while, they're just real stupid.

In short: YOU MEAN "ASTRONOMY," KANYE.



5. "Glory" by Jay Z

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You're a child of destiny

You're the child of my destiny

You're my child with the child from Destiny's Child

Listen, I appreciate Jay-Z was trying to make a nice song about his daughter and his wife. But c'mon, repeating the words "child" and "destiny" that many times in 3 lines should be punishable by - oh, I dunno - your wife publicly dragging you for your infidelities with an elaborate album / music video experiment or something.

Oh wait, nevermind.



6. Nicki Minaj in "Beauty and a Beat" by Justin Bieber

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Justin Bieber, you know I'mma hit 'em with the ether

Buns out, wiener, but I gotta keep an eye out for Selener

Don't denigrate Nicki Minaj - she's able to spit absolute fire on the mic and has lasted way longer than her detractors ever would have imagined. But in these lyrics, I'm pretty sure she's saying she's going to drug and rape Justin Bieber? And then refers to his ex, Selena Gomez, as "Selener" to make her name sorta rhyme with "ether"? Oof.



7. "I Do This" by Young Jeezy

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200 carats, now that's a f**king charm

That's a lucky charm

And I don't mean Corn Flakes.

Uh, I don't think anyone thought you meant "Corn Flakes" when you were talking about lucky charms, Young Jeezy. That's...that's just a completely different, unrelated cereal entirely.



8. "Slob On My Knob" by Three Six Mafia

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Squeeze on my nuts,

Lick on my butt.

Three-Six Mafia deserves their Oscar, but....what the hell does "squeeze on my nuts, lick on my butt" even mean? I think I know what they're getting at, but that's probably the most awkward way of communicating this.

*This entry was brought to you by a reminder that Three Six Mafia has an Oscar.*



9. "Nuthin' but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre

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Never let me slip, cuz if I slip, then I'm slippin

Did you think I forgot about Dre? Because I would never do that. Never let me forget about Dre, cuz if I forget about Dre, then I'm forgetting about Dre.