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Egyptian Sex Law Meeting Minutes
Egypt is preparing to introduce a new law that would allow husbands to have sex with their wives up to six hours after death. Here are the leaked minutes leading to this decision: MINUTES FOR PARLIAMENT’S PUBLIC WORKS COMMITTEE APRIL 29 2012 12:10 -- Committee Leader Rasheed proposes that the government provide large payments to Egyptian engineers to modernize Egyptian irrigation systems. This program would counteract Egyptian brain-drain and provide a highly visible example of the government acting in the public interest. 12:15 -- Committee Member Minyawi seconds the proposal. 12:16 -- Committee Member al-Busiri wonders aloud when you should stop having sex with your dead wife. 12: 17 -- One minute of silence. 12:17 -- Committee Leader Rasheed moves that you should stop having sex with her immediately after death. 12:17 -- Committee Member Minyawi seconds the motion. 12:18 -- Committee Member el-Shamy offers his sympathies for the recent passing of Committee Member al-Busiri’s wife. 12:18 -- Committee Member al-Busiri thanks Committee Member el-Shamy. And reminds the committee that this is just a hypothetical question. 12:19 -- Committee Leader Rasheed expresses his condolences and suggests they return to the issue of Egyptian irrigation systems. 12:20 -- Committee Member al-Busiri agrees, but suggests that surely you should allow more time than “immediately after death.” What if your wife dies while you’re having sex? 12:20 -- Committee Member el-Masri concurs. 12:21 -- Committee Leader Rasheed concedes that a few minutes after death, if she died in the middle of sex, is probably forgivable. Committee Leader Rasheed moves that the conversation return the issue of government funded irrigation systems. 12:21 -- Committee Member Minyawi seconds the motion. 12:22 -- Committee Member al-Busiri wonders aloud if dying during foreplay is really just the same as dying during sex, and if, say, a couple were planning to have sex within the next few hours, it might be justified to continue with those plans even if one party has expired. He further suggests that foreplay is really a part of sex anyway. 12:24 -- Committee Member el-Masri notes that he would be happy to introduce Committee Member al-Busiri to a number of his attractive, single, living female friends. 12:24 -- Committee Member al-Busiri says that it is still too soon. After all, she died at 8AM this very morning. Committee Member al-Busiri suggests that 8 hours after death seems like a reasonable amount of time. 12:25 -- Committee Leader Rasheed suggests that the conversation is irrelevant and stupid. 12:25 -- Committee Member el-Shamy asks how Committee Member al-Busiri arrived at this number. Committee Member el-Shamy further posits that surely there are many factors influencing the question, such as the nature of death and the humidity of the immediate environment. 12:26 -- Committee Member al-Busiri agrees and makes a non-sequitur comment about how much he has been enjoying his “very cool, very dry” bedroom. 12:26 -- Committee Member Minyawi coughs. 12:26 -- Committee Leader Rasheed looks at his watch. 12:26 -- Committee Member al-Busiri requests that the committee take a short recess to research the stages of human decay. 12:27 -- Committee Member el-Shamy concurs. 12:27 -- Committee recesses. 1:00 -- Committee reconvenes. 1:00 -- Committee Member al-Busiri puts forth that they all learned a lot. 1:01 -- Committee Member el-Shamy seconds the motion. 1:02 -- Committee Member al-Busiri apologizes for wasting the committee’s time and suggesting that one can still have sex with women 8 hours after they die. 1:03 -- Committee Leader Rasheed accepts the apology from Committee Member al-Busiri and distributes a detailed budget proposition for engineering a new irrigation system that he compiles while the committee was consulting the doctor. 1:08 -- Committee Member al-Busiri reminds the committee that rigor mortis sets in within 3 - 6 hours after death, so anything before 3 hours is definitely okay. Committee Member al-Busiri moves to pass that having sex with your wife three hours after she dies is totally cool. 1:08 -- Committee Member el-Shamy seconds. 1:08 -- Motion Passes 3 - 2, Committee Leader Rasheed and Committee Member Minyawi dissenting. 1:08 -- Committee Leader Rasheed moves that now that that stupid conversation is over the committee can now vote to approve the budget. 1:09 -- Committee Member al-Busiri suggests that, heck, even 6 hours might be okay. 1:09 -- Committee Member el-Shamy seconds the motion. 1:09 -- Committee Member al-Busiri moves to vote that “Heck, 6 hours after death is okay.” 1:09 -- Committee Member el-Shamy seconds the motion. 1:09 -- Motion Passes 3 - 2, Committee Leader Rasheed and Committee Member Minyawi dissenting. 1:10 -- Committee Leader Rasheed demands that they address the budget he has put forward. 1:11 -- Committee Member al-Busiri apologizes and says that he has to get home immediately, since he has less than an hour left to “take care of some business.” 1:11 -- Committee Member al-Busiri leaves meeting. 1:12 -- Committee Leader Rasheed moves to vote on the budget 1:12 -- Committee Member Minyawi seconds. 1:13 -- Vote is tied 2 - 2. The budget is tabled for the following meeting.